how do i conclude what happen in 2010?

My way to conclude 2010

Relationship

This year, I meet a new person that able to make decide to open my heart again after i lost my love few years back. What can i explain about this person is he is a very confused man. Perhaps the way he look at me is just to play around or just to seek revenge for his lost and tragic love that he felt I one of the cause he lost it. But I know deep down his heart, he's a caring and loving man. Perhaps losing his love is a very big impact on him. Eventhough that doesnt give him the reason or right to break others heart. Guess i will never know what exactly in his mind. I cant hate him the way that i should cause eventhough what he did have no excuses but he somehow do give me a wonderful memory that i will cherish. I just hope he won't destroy the good things that i know about him. My love maybe nothing for him, but what i feel for him is sincere. He the second guy that able to make me feel again, he i see as a key to open my heart and mind towards relationship again. i may not able to have his love and affection, but when we love someone, that doesnt mean we will have him or wanted him. True is, i do love him before but i do not want him if he not able to love me the right way. Its true it is painful when u know the truth, such as everything is a lie. But, there is no point of having that love if there is no mutual connection. Loving him is something that i never expected, oh well, how can you expect to fall for your friend ex. Rules of friendship is, never ever fall for your friend ex. Last time i only heard of this rules, but now i know what its mean.

But now.. I somehow get over him and suprisingly, it's not that difficult.

Friendships

Last year on 2010... I make alots of new peoples that some of them become one of my close friends and some of them become the most unfavorable one. But, there are more good than the bad.Let's me start with the bad.

The bad is.. I get close with someone that i feel a bit similar with me. To the extend that people call us twin. Not because we look alike, but maybe our way are almost similar. I really love this friend alots.. i even to the extend fight with family because of her. because i give to much attention to her, care about her to much. Guess.. that where i go wrong. I let her use me to the extend I sacrifice my own feeling. I let her use me.. fuck.. that the most hated part of all. I can accept a guy to break my heart or play me. But not a betray from a friend that i care so much. Stupid me, I let her problem effect me. Her never ended guy problem and her stupidity effect me. why should i care for people like that? well.. at that time, i didnt know things can be so shitty. I didn't expect from 100%, 90%  from her are lies. How could i expect that.

But then i learn that we cannot expect people to do the same as we did. Maybe for her.. friendship is nothing and love to a guy is everything. Perhaps for her is different. Because if she love her friendship, why wont she appreciate me. Now i know exactly the reason why she don't really have friends. But then again, that her life, and her life is not my concern anymore. That's why i walk away. This friendship ain't worth it.

GOOD!!! well.. i make alots of new friends. From all that shitty that happen. I realize that there are many people that will support me and love me. I know that I'm not alone. 

hey 2010, hey new post, hey...

I just browse through some of my old post. Suprisingly, I haven't been blogging since feb this year. Guess that's why I say writing is not my passion eventhough I have so much things to say. Perhaps, I prefer say it out loud rather that craving it on the blog. But I guess, have to start writing back now. reason? because too many things happen this year. and wanted to share it with everyone that may read this blog, or following it.

i feel like writing again today. Heeee.. what so special about today. hmm... nothing? i just wear my work t shirt and a plain jean skirt and also a very plain make up. i guess i'm not into dressing up today. but.. what the hell.. who cares right? as my tagline say, "when nothings matter anymore". its just suit me.. hahaha.. weird? up to anyone to judge. nothing really exciting happen today so far. just the normal routine of waking up, get ready to work, go through the jam, find parking, and walla, at work. nothing new nothing interesting nothing extraordinary. nowadays, nothing really can impress me anymore. writing this blog actually confuse me. as i'm not such a writer that can write witha good grammar and with interesting stories to share. i like to express it using pictures but for the mean time. i have to wait that seem like forever, yes!!! to get the new canon eos 550d. i really hope my wait is worth it. once i get it. i will be active back in photogrpahy. for now. i been force to stop because i don have the damn equipment.

sober

i do not know why i feel so moody today.. i don feel like smiling, don feel like talking, don feel like laughing and don feel like playing nice. hope nobody bugging me tremendously today.

reason why i feel moody?

1. perhaps because i havent get my camera yet and have to keep delaying it everytime. its frustrating. bloody freaking frustrating. i hate waiting and i guess this torchering me. WTF. *sigh*. hope i able to get it end of this month. amin to that.

2. is it because my two good mate have go back to perth?

hmm... its maybe one of the reason. is it? perhaps.. i do feel more sad this time. not my nature to just easily cry when my friends is going somewhere. but.. i do not know y, this time its feel strange.

3. fabulous is no more? fabulous?i don feel fabulous exist ne more. things are different now. nothing are the same anymore. its feel sadder this time because maybe i begin to accept that fabulous is no more, and i already stop to be the middle man or neutral to make everyone happy. Its time for me to put myself first. perhaps, this is one of the reason.

4. its monday.. and i getting one like everyone in this fucking world that have to wake up from sleep and go to work. perhaps.

5. i need to express my feeling and explore the world a little bit more with my piece of equipment that will allow me to do that. till time decide.

6. financialy tight due to comitment and financial plan that just begin.

7. perhaps because i wanted to watch a good movie. but not fucking get it yet. hope my baby laptop will be able to finish download the movies that i choose yesterday night. please please

8. perhaps.. because a fucking idiots take my tayar pump cap and now o have to buy one to replace that. what a fucking bastards. oh well, i live with the believe that karma do exist and what goes around come around. fucking idiots like that doesnt live well.

9. perhaps i feeling like this because of no reasonS?

10. or... last but not least... i just fucking dont know whats wrong... fucker... yah yah... keep cursing akmar... its good for u.. at least it can make u feel bit better.

This will be my 2nd post in 2010 and hey!!! its still january.. another 3 more day before the month end and tomorrow is my payday.. wooohooo.. cant wait to go party!!!

this week, most of my partner in crime cant seem to focus with work. all because this friday nite. :P why??? hehehe... we goin to party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeay!!!! life seem good so far.. meeting new people, new way of life, new environment and new method of craziness.. waaallaaaa... :D

*moving forward* heee.. this word i got from my beloved boss regarding improving work productivity. and the way to do is by not doing anything else related to work like FB,chatting and bla2... haaha... guess what? everyone is ignoring it. Because i;m obviously ignoring it by doing this. heeee.... woohhooo.. party party... cant wait!!!

leave all the bad thing behinds.. moving forward

2010.. that the year now. a new year a new beginning. I don really have a new year resolution this time. Just a thought of saving and find alots of money and be stabile financially. things is bad in 2009. very bad. eventhough some stuff havent get better or solve yet. but by entering a new year its life leaving all the things that buggering me in 2009 behind. I just hope and pray to allah that things will be better and i know it will. so far what is improve and new in my life is.. i successfully graduate, yup.. i'm a multimedia graduate now.. i'm so happy and i believe that my parent are happy too. sad when i think about some of my family member wont be able to watch my success. but its doesnt matter. as long i able to make him happy by me graduating. i believe is also enough. also, this new year.. i make alots of new friends. friends tht make me happy. coz. i kinda done with all the drama that happen too many times in 2009. i just want to move forward and be happy. i plan to get a camera that will allow me to practice my photography skill by end of this month. and i really hope i will get it. amin to that. :D more updates? naaah.. i don think i have yet.. and i kinda lazy to write so much. have to design a website for a fren..business. :P challenging.. :D