since i start writing back at this blog while listening to leona lewis with her incredible song 'BLEEDING LOVE'... I decided to write more n more everyday as much as i can. thougth this maybe a therapy for me. A mindmental therapy i call.

well... yesterday night, i fight with my mum again. I really hate to fight with her. But, i dono, when it come to family, i become so rebellious... well, that what my mum said also. i become so rebellious and i actually realize that... i got so much anger. i hate being like that. i really pity my mum to have a child like me. i noe she been through alot of thing in her life... and she don need to me to add on. but.. i dono why, in my family, i intend to speak out. intend to tell what i feel and disagree at. I will tell my mother if i don agree with her thinking... i hate when people judge and stereotype me to others. i am for what i am. i don want to change for anybody. i will change certain things for good. but, not the whole me.

but.. i noe... the 'ME' that i'm talking about is hard to be accept.
rebellious, hot temper, bold and hard to show her affection to people.
i always having problem with people due to misunderstanding.
my friends say i like to make assumptions. and that create problem to me.
hahaha... funny... all the time i try to take care my words and actions, that time also i actually make people misunderstand me.
how not to being hurt? how to not feel insult? how to not feel low?
thats the problem i having all this time.
when the time i should show my true feeling, i just keep quiet or react the opposite way eventhough i wanted to show other feeling. perghh... this is the time i so called ms.confuse.
when your friends give u something that mean alot to u, u suppose to cry and tell them how grateful u are rite? after all that they done to u? but instead of showing u grateful and cry, u hold back. showing the opposite thing. now, celebrating your next birthday with them will be... hmmm... i dono, guilty? feel like u don deserve it? yah... i don feel like i deserve to celebrate my birthday with them anymore, i noe i shudnt think like that. but.. that what i feel since that incident. i hold back my feeling at the wrong time. and now. the guilt is torchering me.